Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
