if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
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Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
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I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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