First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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