Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
