Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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