He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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