so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
