That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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