Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
