Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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