for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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