I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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