I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
