I seem to have left my pride at pride
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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