Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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