No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
