Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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