sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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