I just pynch a tree in the face
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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