Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize