There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
