At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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