do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
