We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
