Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
