Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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