She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There's always time for handjobs
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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