Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
