is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
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I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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