So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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