P.S. I can't hear my feet
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I am mentally ready for anal.
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