She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Randomize
