You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
