i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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