So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
