This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Randomize
