Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
