Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
