I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
