the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
