You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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