Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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