Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
