Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
