Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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