Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
