Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
A bitchslap is in order.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
