you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
