I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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