seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It was confusing and full of hummus
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
