I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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