why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
only you would photoshop your dick
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
