Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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