I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
