Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
