using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I came so hard my ears popped.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
