so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
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