he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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