It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
