it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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