I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
