So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
