Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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