i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize