did you get engaged???
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
