it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
