i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
